I have been engaged in a practice of truly listening to my parents on the phone. All to often, I was doing other things or getting impatient when they told the same stories again, were a bit akward in expressing their thoughts and feelings or fell into familiar patterns of what felt like critiquing me or indicating that something should be different in my life. I often talk to my dad last and am tired and worn out from the long time on the phone with my Mum as she always comes to the phone first.
Having lsitened to my meditation teachter Tara Brach, I resolved that more than anything, my parents want to be listened to fully and whole heartedly. We live so far apart and are not in each others daily life except by phone. And so that is how I will be in their lives. I have put everything aside, I have listened, letting them close the conversation rather than running off myself. I have started inquiring and listening between the lines. I have acknolwedged, responded with passion and compassion and been more expressive with my emotions. I have called my Dad at times when my Mum is out so I can get time just with him. I ask, I truly share when he asks and also unasked. I give him time and attention. It has been really hard and a gift.
I feel like I walk away from those phone calls without regrets. I am not left hungry or with things unsaid. I feel known and know more. I also ask to be listened to and heard. Rather than feeling that my Dad understand me "well enough", I make sure he really does and that I really do understand him. And I stay longer, just a bit longer, just in case there is something else to be shared that only a pause and silence will unearth, will allow to come out. If not, then we both know it is time to end until next time. A good practice - and time well spent.
Having lsitened to my meditation teachter Tara Brach, I resolved that more than anything, my parents want to be listened to fully and whole heartedly. We live so far apart and are not in each others daily life except by phone. And so that is how I will be in their lives. I have put everything aside, I have listened, letting them close the conversation rather than running off myself. I have started inquiring and listening between the lines. I have acknolwedged, responded with passion and compassion and been more expressive with my emotions. I have called my Dad at times when my Mum is out so I can get time just with him. I ask, I truly share when he asks and also unasked. I give him time and attention. It has been really hard and a gift.
I feel like I walk away from those phone calls without regrets. I am not left hungry or with things unsaid. I feel known and know more. I also ask to be listened to and heard. Rather than feeling that my Dad understand me "well enough", I make sure he really does and that I really do understand him. And I stay longer, just a bit longer, just in case there is something else to be shared that only a pause and silence will unearth, will allow to come out. If not, then we both know it is time to end until next time. A good practice - and time well spent.
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